Girl: Oh my god, I can’t believe how much gum you chew! Is that actually six packs of Orbit in your bag?
Guy: You see, gum for me is like…(pauses to think)…marijuana for you.
Girl: Ohhhhhh

-McLennon Library late at night

Drunk Girl: Well, I thought she could have gotten WAY more steaks for that blowjob but nooooo. She had to go up the hill to see some kids and fuck if I was giving her my last cigarette.

- Sherbrooke and St-Urbain

Guy: I walked in and they were having sex. But I just stood there making gross noises. Hopefully I can just drink this one off.
- Douglas Hall

ditzy girl: …and then she said that she had a component face!
guy: what??
ditzy girl: You know, like, in science and stuff.
guy: huh?
ditzy girl (getting annoyed): You knowwww…there’s like, little things that swirl around together and make Adam.
guy: You mean Atoms?
ditzy girl: No stupid!! The Garden of Eden.
guy: The Garden of Eden is on your face???
ditzy girl (getting really annoyed): NO idiot! That’s ridiculous. (pauses) It was on HER face.
guy (really confused): What’s your major again?
ditzy girl: Some science thing. I can’t remember
guy: I thought you were taking History?
ditzy girl: Duh!! You are so stupid sometimes. History IS science
guy: (silent)
ditzy girl: I don’t even know why I even bother with you sometimes. How did you get into McGill???
- Outside the McGill bookstore

Girl: What if you were on a deserted island alone with only an ugly girl? Would you sleep with her then?
Superficial Guy: Maybe. But I’d cover her face with leaf before I did it. Actually, make that two leaves…in case the first one falls off.
Girl: OMG. What about a fat girl? Would you do a fat girl?
Superficial Guy: We’re on a deserted island right? Nothing to do? I’d make her run around a couple times, then I’d maybe think about it…
- Tim Horton’s on University

Prof plays “Brain Damage”
Prof: ok how many of you recognize this song?
Some people raise their hands
Prof: Well what about the rest of you? Didn’t you ever smoke pot?!
- Cognition

Girl: It’s not so much that I want to date short guys, I just really like having sex with them. Is that weird?
– Bleury

Guy (presumably): Why are you playing trance at fucking Second Cup? Fucking play some music that doesn’t make me want to drop a bunch of acid and lick the wall in the back corner of Stereos
- AUS lounge

Girl 1: Hey girls, I went back for reading week and so much happaned. Remember my friend Danielle? Apparently her father died.
Girl 2: uh huh…
Girl 1: And remember my friend Dan? I called his house and his mother said he killed himself last week.
Girl 2: okay…
Girl 1: And look at my hair. My hairdresser ruined it!
Girl 2: OH MY GOD, that is tragic!
- ANTH 209 lecture

Guy talking to another guy: Oh my god, cigarettes and beer just go so well together. It’s no wonder after I quit I gained 150 pounds!!!
—Second Cup on Milton & Parc