Guy 1: So, what’s the mask for?
Guy 2: Oh, its so when you finger-bang a goat on camera your face won’t show up on the internet.
Guy 1 (shocked): We’re finger-banging goats? I don’t even think there are goats in Montreal.

—Leacock Lobby

Guy (on the phone): “So can I come over? I really wanna see you…Is mono contagious?”
Girl (nearby): *glares at guy*
Guy: “Shit, now some crazy girl is staring at me.”
Girl: *stares incredulously at guy*
Guy (to girl): “That’s right! I see you!”

—McIntyre

Guy: What do you want?… you jerkin off?… great!

—through the walls of an apartment on ste. famille and prince arthur

Girl 1: The guy working tonight is hot.
Girl 2: Nah, he looks like Tin Tin.
Girl 1: Fuck that, I’d have sex with Tin Tin
[pause]
Girl 1: I mean, if he looked like that.
[pause]
Girl 1: But… he doesn’t.
[pause]
Girl 1: God, that was a lot more awkward than I thought it would be.

—Fitness Centre

Girl 1: Why are all the guys I’ve made out with in the caf at the same time today?
Girl 2: Because there’s 16 of them.
—RVC

Girl 1: I own a lake.
Girl 2: I HATE lakes.

—McTavish & Sherbrooke

Girl 1: Want to have a beer with me tonight at 4 to 7?
Girl 2: Sure..when?
Girl 1: Well…tonight
Girl 2: I know, but when is it??
Girl 1, amazed with the stupidity of girl 2: Well, from 4 to 7…
—Bronfman

*waiter is serving customers coffee*
Stoned at Breakfast 1: Dude, you realize I’m gonna have to pee like St. Nicholas when this coffee’s done.
Stoned at Breakfast 2: Saint Nicholas! As in, Santa Claus?
Stoned at Breakfast 1: The one and only.
—Place Milton

Drunk Girl: I’ll give you all AIDS!!! MOTHER FUCKING HIV!!!

—Lodge

Girl 1: Yeah, and that’s why we aren’t all drugged out
Drunk Girl 2: Yeah…C-O-C-K
Girl 1: (giggles)
Drunk Girl 2:…yep, thats why we aren’t coked out
Girl 1: …what?
Drunk Girl 2: Coke. C-O-C-K! Coke!

—RVC