Wednesday, January 24, 2007

You should have seen the emoticons on this one

(moans and groans behind locked room door, a line of guys are waiting outside to deliver high-fives)

(Door opens)
Guy leaving room: “What, we were on msn!”

—Douglas Hall

…Or the psychopaths might.

TA: Psychopaths lie convincingly, have little regard for the rules, have unrealistic ideas of their performance, are callous with regard to sex, seem reliable but never follow through…
Student: So what’s the difference between psychopaths and [...] men?
TA: Uh… well… I think some men might object.

Abnormal Psyc

Monday, January 22, 2007

Oh my god I just had the greatest idea! Tongue Uggs! OMG! Touggs!

(2 girls walking in the snow)
Girl 1: watch out for the frozen dog pee!
Girl 2: oh relax, i’m wearing boots… it’s not like i’m walking on my tongue!
Girl 1: WHAT?!?!
Girl 2: (stops) WHY DO I SAY THINGS LIKE THAT?!

—Hutchison

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Warning: Drinking beer only attractive if male.

Girl (to her friend): “Ugh, this coat is so tight it’s like suffocating me!”
(Bunch of drunk guys walk by)
Drunk guy: “Wooohoooo! Check out the beer belly!”
Girl: “I HATE THIS COAT!!”

—Milton

Saturday, January 20, 2007

“I think we went over this in class, but I was stoned at the time.”

Girl: “Hey, how much was that eighth you bought last weekend?”
Guy: “Eighth? What’s an eighth? Is it like three-quarters?”

—Plateau

Concerned Interested Friend: Well then.

Concerned Friend: You should take it easy drinking.
Drunk Girl: I am easy!!!

—-Douglas

Friday, January 19, 2007

“Would it be awkward if I asked how big he is?”

Girl 1: I need a boy.
Girl 2
: I’ll find you a bump buddy. You can sleep with my brother if you want.

–Redpath Basement

If you do, they are likely the least of your concerns.

Girl: (Filling out questionnaire at blood drive) Do I have prostate problems?

—McConnell Blood Drive

Penne Italiano!

Boy: When I was little my mom used to call my penis a gnocchi.
Rest of class:…..HAHAHAHA!!

—-Ital 205

Science Carnival is an Administration conspiracy to deflate grades.

Still Drunk Girl: Where’s the ‘r’ on the keyboard?
Guy: Really?
Still Drunk Girl: Oh, wait, is that what the little house means… homepage? Wow!
Guy: Oh my god.

—Stewart Bio

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