[Two guys walk by strip club]
Bouncer: C’mon, gentlemen, we have 18 beautiful girls in here. That’s 36 tits!
Guy 1: I would have been way more interested had he said thirty-five. I’d pay good money for that.
Guy 2: Yea, or thirty-seven. It’s easy to be missing one – car accident, breast cancer, whatever. But an extra?! That’s something special.

–St. Catherine Street

Cute Girl #1: Hey, I think the cashier in therejust called me “monsieur.”
Cute Girl #2: I’m sure it was just an honest mistake. After all, you aren’t wearing any pants.
Cute Girl #1: Yeah, you’re probably right.

—Couche Tarde, by Stewart Bio

Guy 1: “My first university experience was when Iwas about 10. This Russian guy used to come home at 3 in the in the morning and just eat cans of cat food.”
Guy 2: “That’s….disgusting.”
Guy 3: “Yo, I heard cat food is full of a lot of vitamins.”
Guy 1: “Yeah! Me too! Whatever, this was back in Scarbourough anyway…”

–Milton and Parc

“After my date tonight my neck is going to be so sore!”

–Metcalfe street 

Girl: …. Ummm…. Hand down my pants!?
Guy: …. It might have SEEMED like I put my hand down your pants, but what really happened, see, was that I slipped and my hand got stuck, and all that wiggling around was me trying to get my hand out.
Girl: Uh-hunh. I totally believe that
Guy: No, really. Because Jesus frowns on that sort of thing before marriage. I was like “I’m sorry Jesus, I’m trying!!!”

(After sitting down for two minutes)
Guy: I feel like I’m on facebook.

—hallway of a residence 

Cute Girl 1: Oh my god, last night was one of those nights where you drink so much that you black out and don’t remember anything, like how you even got home.
Cute Girl 2: Well, at least you ended up in your own bed with your pajamas on.
Cute Girl 1: uhhh….

–The Ghetto

[group of guys smoking in front of entrance]
Guy #1: It’s crazy getting roofied.
Guy #2: yeah, I got roofied once too.

–Outside Redpath Library

Guy: “you know, i thought she’d like white people, but i guess she just wasn’t into MY vanilla”

—Lower Field

Girl 1: Have you heard his voice?
Girl 2: Yea, its really high pitched.
Girl 1: Do you think he’s gay??
Girl 2: No, I just don’t think he has testicles.
..silence..
Girl 2: Aww, that was mean…I’m sure he has really nice testicles!!

–New Rez