Guy: “She basically said ‘guys can NEVER cum from head.’”
Girl: “What?!?! This basically proves that shes a lazy bitch! A lazy Mexican bitch!”

—Milton and University

Stoned Boy #1: Hey, does taste exist?
Stoned Boy #2: No…
Stoned Boy #1: Then taste! (passes beer) Does it taste? Or does it feeeel?

–at Gardner Hall

Girl #1: “So what exactly is a ‘Borat’? I keep hearing people talking about it.”
Girl #2: “I think it’s a stick with a head on it. Apparently it’s all the rage in feng shui. They sell them at American Apparel”

Guy: I’m starving
Girl: Yea, me too, and we totally don’t have any potatoes at my place and they’re the staple food of my diet.
Guy: Are you Irish?
Girl:…uhh yea

–Arts West

Girl:”so why DOES queens fuck sheep?”

—McGill vs. Queens Hockey Game

[Discussion of the Trojan Prince, Paris, and how he had a way with women]
Prof: Trojan princes had to spend most of their time in the fields and with the animals, so Paris goes out to the hills and amuses himself with the sheep accordingly.
[Entire class starts laughing]
Prof: Oh! No! No! That came out wrong!

–Greek Mythology

Girl: Yeah I love my roommate, she’s–
Guy: Yeah–
Girl: great, but, I need my space. Like, stop doing coke off my desk…

On University Ave, toward Upper Rez

Guy to his female friend: “I don’t know. If you were a squirrel, I’d still be pretty scared of you.”
Girl: [silence]

—University and St. Catherine

Girl 1: “I did kiss my cousin.”
Girl 2: “Well, whatever. That’s not incest.”
Girl 1: “It’s not?”
Girl 2: “No, incest is like with your brother or something.”
Girl 1: “Ew!”

–Milton & Aylmer

[guy and girl making out against the wall at Biftek]

Guy: I’ve been lying to you, my name isn’t really John…
Incredibly drunk girl hanging on him: It’s ok, i forgot what your name was anyway…
(pause, then they continue making out)