Guy #1 to Guy #2: Did you just lick me, man?
–in line for Peel Pub

[Girl walks away from guy. Guy chases after girl and just stops]
Guy: I DON’T UNDERSTAND! WHY ARE YOU MAD AT ME?!
Girl: I canNOT BELIEVE YOU REMOVED ME FROM YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS LIST!!!!

–Leacock

[Sitting in a movie theatre at 1 in the afternoon just as the previews start, a couple walks in]
Girl: Wow it’s so dark I can’t even see the back row!
Guy: That’s where you go to have sex.
Girl: [Silence]
[Couple proceeds to sit in the back row.]

—Paramount on St. Catherine

Girl: (whispering) “Seriously, what could be better than a lesbian threesome to classical music?”

—Leacock 132

Stoned Guy: What if sea creatures have it right and we have it wrong?
–Gardner Hall

“So at what point does CPR become necrophilia?”

– McLennan Library caf

[walking out of the Borat movie]
Guy: “Dude, we are so going to Kazakhstan for Reading Week!”

–Paramount Theatre/St. Catherine

Girl 1 – “I’m going to play squash tonight.”
Girl 2 – “Yo, I totally know somebody who died playing squash!

Bummed out girl: “Dude, it’s not like anyone masturbates to ME…”
Eager friend: That’s not true!

–RVC

Guy: Let’s have sex.
Girl: Are you sure? I’m a necrophiliac, so if we were to have sex, I’d literally have to kill you first.
Guy: Well, I’ve got a severe case of rigor mortis in my pants right now.

—In the caf