[A group of friends watching TV]
Girl 1: “That little girl looks familiar.”
Girl 2: “Yeah she always plays the little kid.”

Charity Hawker: Donate to breast cancer research!
[no one steps up to give money]
Charity Hawker: SAVE THE TITTIES!

- Roddick Gates

Guy 1: So you play on the lacrosse team?
Bitter Wannabe Athlete: No, not this year, they did this whole recruiting thing and only wanted (makes air quotes) “people who had played before.”

- Bronfman Basement

[discussing an incident in a hot tub]
Guy: I notice people are starting to stare at me, but I’m checking my hair, my teeth, but there fine. Then this woman goes up to me and says ‘its a cold day today?’ and sorta smiles. Finally, my friend who’s on his cell stops for a minute to say ‘your balls are hanging out of your shorts’.

[two elderly businessmen walk by by a parked SMARTCar with a parking ticket]
Businessman 1: That SMART Car isnt so smart anymore, eh?
Businessman 2: (blinks)…what?

–Sherbrooke/Peel

Girl: So I had a feast of 8 muffins last night at 12am. Then i went on the treadmill to make myself feel better. This morning I took 2 laxatives to make myself feel even better.

–McTavish St.

Girl 1: “Montreal is sooooo great, the boys are so cute and you can getting wasted is sooooo cheap!”
Girl 2: “What do you study?”
Girl 1: “Biology, when i’m not at Biftek.”

—80 Bus, on Parc

Guy1: “She was really submissive, like you could do whatever you wanted to her”
Guy2: “Yeah but it’s not like I’m gonna fuck her in the eyesocket or anything”

—Rutherford Physics Lounge

[In the Education cafeteria]
Girl 1: “…you’re going to be teaching in Verdun?”
Girl 2: “isn’t that, like, the ghetto; I mean lower-class”
Girl 3: “I know. Don’t dress too nicely on the first day then”

Ambulance Driver: “Are you sure you want to go to the hospital with her? It’s only midnight–I’m sure you could hook up with someone else tonight.”