Canadian soldier (twists beret nervously in his hands): Yeah, I’m not really on duty right now; I’m actually going to school… I have to take CALCULUS.
McGill Girl: Really? I don’t have to take calculus.
Canadian soldier (drops beret in shock): That’s not fair!
- PE Trudeau Airport

Girl 1: So, a cockblock and cocktease pretty much explain themselves in the name
Girl 2: Cockblock, cocktease, I’m cock-everything!
- RVC Cafe

Girl 1: I just don’t get why he doesn’t get hard when we make out Girl 2: God, why does he have to get hard? Just because everything’s hard on your body..
Girl 1: What?? What’s hard on my body? My imaginary penis?
Girl 2: No, your nipples
Girl 1: (pause) oh yeah…
- Redpath Timmy Ho’s

Guy: I wonder where the next world cup is
Girl: I think it’s going to be in Berlin
Guy: Isn’t that where it was this year?
Girl: No it was in Germany
—BMH

Girl: I think the next World Cup is going to be in Germany
Guy: Wasn’t the last one in Germany?
Girl: No, it was in Berlin
—BMH

(Ed note: Back on Dec 21st, we received this first quote and thought it was pretty good, but it fell on the backburner. Today, we received the latter quote, from the same submitter, and it looked pretty familiar, though not if you look closely. Funny how time alters memory…)

Ignorant science student: “So, what do, like, ARTS professors do?”
—Doug caf

Girl 1: my friend is kosher… what is that?
Girl 2: kosher is something Hitler came up with to keep the Jews away from his food.
- Leacock 132

Girl: So how was your night last night?
Guy: I dunno, we’ll have to see what the Facebook pictures say
- SnowAP Tent

Girl 1: I saw your friend Matt today.
Girl 2: Matt? Which Matt?
Girl 1: Hot Matt.
Girl 2: Hot Volleyball Matt?
Girl 1: He’s not hot.
Girl 2: Ugly Matt?
Girl 1: No, Gay Matt… Metrosexual Matt…
(pause)
Girl 2: Ohhhh… that Matt.
Girl 1: There are too many Matts.
- RVC

Bouncer: You just finished playing laser tag?  Now play laser tag with our girls.
McGill Student: Already done that.
- Ste. Catherine’s

Prof: In this course, you are going to need to overcome your inherent physical limitations of being three dimensional.
in class (Math 271) – Linear Algebra and Partial Differential Equations