New Rez Girl: He’s pretty handsome. I wonder how much money he makes.—Parc

Girl: (Filling out questionnaire at blood drive) Do I have prostate problems?

—McConnell Blood Drive

[Prof plays song from a male zebra finch bird. Class is silent.]
Prof: Obviously none of you are female zebra finches, or you’d be going completely crazy right now!

—-PSYC 211

Boy: When I was little my mom used to call my penis a gnocchi.
Rest of class:…..HAHAHAHA!!

—-Ital 205

Newfie: Newfies aren’t for kicking…they’re for loving!

—Molson

(Several girls sitting outside a New Rez room)
Girl 1: OMG, the story is so funny, but it’s really really long. I can’t tell
the whole thing.
Girl 2: Oh please, come on, just tell it!
Girl 3: Can’t you just abridge it?
Girl 1: What about a bridge?
(stunned silence)

—New Rez

Still Drunk Girl: Where’s the ‘r’ on the keyboard?
Guy: Really?
Still Drunk Girl: Oh, wait, is that what the little house means… homepage? Wow!
Guy: Oh my god.

—Stewart Bio

Professor: “We have recently seen a resurgence of capitalism in the U.S.”
(pauses)
Professor: “Oops, i mean a resurgence of capital punishment. You have to forgive me, I had a long night yesterday. I had to tend to certain vices…”
Professor: (sticks out tongue) “Certain good vices.”
(Class erupts in laughter)
Professor: (blushing) Oh god, I’ve already said too much.

—POLI 345 (International Organizations)

(Ed Note: This is a combination of two similar submissions of the same quote)

(While discussing the rationale for creating international organizations)
Student: Is it not possible that a state could create an international organization simply to serve as a diversion for other things?
Prof: How do you mean? Give me an example…
Student: Well, this one time on ‘24′…
(Class explodes in laughter)

—POLI 345 (Int’l Organizations)

Philosophical jock guy: ‘Seriously though, nosebleeds are pretty fucking nerdy.’

—New Rez Caf