Professor: “In counterpoint you only climax once.”

—Class

(Prof, trying to get a student to summarize a reading)
Prof: Come on…nobody? It was like a one page pdf.
(Class Silent)
Prof: You could have sat down on the toilet, downloaded it on a wireless and read it before you were even finished!
(Class laughs awkwardly)
Prof: And you wouldnt have had to pay a urine tax!—Hist 375: Early Roman Empire

Guy: So you’re trying to find a middle ground between slutty and Amish?
Girl: (Gasp) That’s sooo mean….I was never Amish!

—Jewish Studies Building

Guy: “You couldn’t defend yourself against a three-year-old so you had to knee him in the nuts?”

—Molson

[As she reads from "Daddy's Roommate", a children's book about having gay parents]
Prof: ‘Daddy and Frank do everything together. They shave together-’
[Pauses]
Prof: [to class] …I’m sorry, but if I was a lesbian, I don’t think I’d shave my legs with my girlfriend. Besides, WHAT do they shave together? ‘Hey, honey, wanna help me shave my pits?’

—Elementary Education 325

Girl 1 (to Guy 1): Yeah so … that guy Bob*? The gay one? So we went to see a counsellor and now he’s cured.
Guy 1 : (awkward pause) Umm …—POLI-339 conference

Girl 1: Oh my god, I love that show!
Girl 2: Oh, me too!
Girl 1: I used to hate it so much, and then… actually I hate that show.
Girl 2: Me too.

—class

Prof: So its not really kosher to do the calculations this way…
Guy (asking girl next to him): What does kosher have anything to do with chemistry?

—Gen Chem 120

Prof: War is not fun. And Vietnam certainly wasn’t fun.

—POLI-346

(in an elevator)
Girl: “Wearing your hat backwards doesn’t make you cool.”
Guy: “Um… ok, just like wearing a push-up bra doesn’t make you hot.”
(Girl exits elevator with a disgusted look on her face)

—Leacock