Girl 1: It’ll be like that song “Saturday night’s alright for fighting. Saturday.. Saturday”
Girl 2: Yeah… except it’s Sunday.

—Tim Horton’s on University

(The prof had spent the entire class talking about Frantz Fanon, the Algerian writer who advocated the violent overthrow of colonial France)

Girl: Um, was Fanon American?
Prof: What?
Girl: Like, was he…American? Like, African-American?
Prof: You mean… was he black?
Girl: Yeah.
Prof: … Yes.

—Poli 231

(One Orthodox Jewish guy carrying a cello case and another orthodox guy carrying a trombone case)
Orthodox Guy with Cello Case: “They let you play with dogs in Vegas!”
–Outside McClennan

Guy 1: And then he gets an allergic reaction!
Guy 2: What the fuck!
Guy 1: I know! And he starts trying to talk to me. And I’m like, what am I, a fucking charity?
Guy 2: I hate charity! That’s fucked up!
Guy 1: I’m thinking, if I wanted to donate to charity, I’d throw some change at the guy, but leave me the fuck alone.
—Boustan’s 

Guy 1: So I guess they’re selling coffee and samosas or whatever in that hallway in McConnell again.
Guy 2: Oh yeah? That’s usually pretty cheap… hey, is it for charity?
Guy 1: Yeah, I think so.
Guy 2: Oh. Well, fuck that, then.
Guy 1: Seriously.

—Trottier

Girl (on cell phone): “You can’t marry him, he’s a crack dealer!”

—McLennan Library

Girl 1: Lately, it feels like I’m on fire when I have sex.
Girl 2: That’s what happened when I had gonorrhoea.
Guy (at next table over): Wow, those girls were pretty hot before I heard that… I have to stop eavesdropping.

—BMH

“… and she said, ‘Stop doing that or you’re going to get gonorrhea in your throat!”

—outside of the McGill Metro stop

Girl 1: Hey guys, guess what, today is Pi Day!
Girl 2: Oh yeah, cuz its 3/14! Nice!
Girl 3: Isn’t there another one of those holidays..like a pot one?
Girl 2: Yeah, its April 20th
Girl 1: Why 4/20?
Girl 2: Some smokers in California used to always get high at 4:20 in the afternoon.
Girl 1: That’s so cool! OMG, imagine how fun it’ll be when the year is 1420!
Girl 2: *pause* 1420 already happened…

—New Rez

Guy 1: So, what’s the mask for?
Guy 2: Oh, its so when you finger-bang a goat on camera your face won’t show up on the internet.
Guy 1 (shocked): We’re finger-banging goats? I don’t even think there are goats in Montreal.

—Leacock Lobby