Girl: What if you were on a deserted island alone with only an ugly girl? Would you sleep with her then?
Superficial Guy: Maybe. But I’d cover her face with leaf before I did it. Actually, make that two leaves…in case the first one falls off.
Girl: OMG. What about a fat girl? Would you do a fat girl?
Superficial Guy: We’re on a deserted island right? Nothing to do? I’d make her run around a couple times, then I’d maybe think about it…
- Tim Horton’s on University

Toronto Girl on Phone: This bum asked for me, like, change, but I knew it was like a scam, because he didn’t even look like a bum. He was big and black…he looked kinda like a gangster!”

—Arts Steps

Discussing the play, “The Wild Duck” by Henrik Ibsen.
Guy: So, how are they scaling grades in this class, anyway?
Girl: Well, everyone kinds starts out with a B- and then they see what your essay is like. If you’re the one who wrote on your test ‘Gregors is a raccoon’ then you’re towards the bottom and everyone who didn’t say ‘Gregors is a raccoon’ does better than you.
Boy: Man, I gotta read this book.
- ENGL 314

Gay Guy: You have such a man crush on him!
Straight Guy: No I don’t. (pause) Have you ever noticed how he always wears a solid-colored polo, with a solid-colored undershirt, and either jeans or khaki pants?! We call it “Charlie wear!”
Gay Guy: umm…man crush?!
– RVC lunch

Prof plays “Brain Damage”
Prof: ok how many of you recognize this song?
Some people raise their hands
Prof: Well what about the rest of you? Didn’t you ever smoke pot?!
- Cognition

Girl: It’s not so much that I want to date short guys, I just really like having sex with them. Is that weird?
– Bleury

Girl 1: SO how do you kill a rat?
Indian Girl: Well, my maid beats it to death with a broom…
Girl #1: (confused)
Indian Girl: My maid is like hardcore she can beat anything to death…

– RVC

Girl talking to her friends
Girl: I ate cat food last night. I probably shouldn’t have said that.
– Prince Aurthur

TA: What’s wrong with the US always pointing its finger at China for its human rights abuse?
Stupid Girl: It has human rights problems too!
TA:Explain
Stupid Girl: I mean, look at its divorce rates!
– American Foreign Policy conference

Screaming Drunk Guy: GET IN THE HOLE!!
– Outside Molson at 2:30 am on a Wednesday morning