A group of asian guys walking down the street, an African-American male walking behind them
Asian Guy: Its like a movie. Every time I look back, the black guy gets closer.
- Durocher

A group of high school or junior high kids walk through campus. One, 14 or 15, breaks the silence.
Kid: When I get older, I’m going to blow this place up.
- in front of Macdonald Engineering

Teacher: How do you feel about working with the different definitions for the Oxford English Dictionary? Not at all comfortable? Somewhat comfortable? Very, very comfortable?
Student: *raises hand* I don’t care *students laugh* I mean I don’t mind! My bad, sorry!
- ENGL 215 Intro to Shakespeare

Girl: (on cellphone) My life totally sucks right now. I went to an intellectual conference and people were saying smart things and I was asking myself ‘Why can’t I say things like that?’ And I’ve forgotten all essay-writing skills I learned in high school. Ugh, I am like totally ESL right now. Like, what am I doing with my life? I’m not getting into law school, I’m not going to get a position at the UN…. UGH!! I might as well get married to a rich Arabian prince!

-Elevator, apt. on du Parc

(Bus drives by with ad for upcoming Pussycat Dolls concert)
Guy: Hey look, the Pussycat Dolls are coming to Montreal!
Girl: Cool.
Guy: Wanna go?
Girl: Yeah we can sit in the front row and masturbate!
- Sherbrooke and Parc

Prof: Is anyone in here Swedish?
Random kid: No, but I’m Finnish
T.A.: Well, it’s the last day of classes, we’re ALL Finnish!

Girl 1: He has this really different accent because he’s from Niagara.
Girl 2: WHAT! He’s on Viagra?!?!
Guy: Possible Side Effects: you get a strong Canadian accent
- Geo Lounge

(A fat Asian guy with red dyed hair walks by)
Really White Guy: Dude! That guys looks just like Hiro, you know from Heroes!
Friend: Are you an idiot that guy looked nothing like him. Man can’t you tell Asian guys apart.
White Guy: Of Course I can! Clearly you’re not a fan of the show.
- Outside Otto Maass near the garden.

Girl 1 in study room: God I’m pooped out on this essay, I’m going to do something else for a while.
Guy: ‘Pooped out’ what a great analogy… get it anal – ogy *giggles*
Girl 2: *mouth hangs open in disbelief*
- New Rez Study Room

Guy: Man, see that scaffolding? The next girl I screw will be on one of those.
(sees a girl also walking under the scaffolding in the opposite direction)
Guy: (to the girl) How you doing? *ala Joey from Friend*
-Milton and Lorne