Prof: What is the Jewish afterlife?
Student 1: Heaven and Hell.
Jewish Student: Has anybody ever been there??

—RELG 207

Student 1: Why don’t the Germans just have one word for “to put”? Honestly this is just ridiculous.
Prof: Well it’s just that the Germans are anal about their positions.
Student 2: Touche

—Sherbrooke 688

T.A.: The whole semester nothing out of the ordinary happens, but during exam period everyones grandma dies.
Student: My grandma actually did die during that time.
(The class laughs.)
TA: Guys you shouldn’t be laughing its not funny. His grandmother died.
Student: Seriously…
(They all still laugh, finally both the student and TA crack up.)
Student: The fact that I’m laughing about this is so wrong

—Bio 112 Lab

[Prof plays song from a male zebra finch bird. Class is silent.]
Prof: Obviously none of you are female zebra finches, or you’d be going completely crazy right now!

—-PSYC 211

Boy: When I was little my mom used to call my penis a gnocchi.
Rest of class:…..HAHAHAHA!!

—-Ital 205

Professor: “We have recently seen a resurgence of capitalism in the U.S.”
(pauses)
Professor: “Oops, i mean a resurgence of capital punishment. You have to forgive me, I had a long night yesterday. I had to tend to certain vices…”
Professor: (sticks out tongue) “Certain good vices.”
(Class erupts in laughter)
Professor: (blushing) Oh god, I’ve already said too much.

—POLI 345 (International Organizations)

(Ed Note: This is a combination of two similar submissions of the same quote)

(While discussing the rationale for creating international organizations)
Student: Is it not possible that a state could create an international organization simply to serve as a diversion for other things?
Prof: How do you mean? Give me an example…
Student: Well, this one time on ‘24′…
(Class explodes in laughter)

—POLI 345 (Int’l Organizations)

[Prof writes a URL on the blackboard and puts a slash through a '0' to distinguish it from an 'o']
Stupid Girl: “How do you make that symbol on your computer?”

—Rutherford Bell Room

Prof: Most rapes on university campuses take place in class rooms.
Girl: Like, during lectures??!!

Student: Is it true that a McGill professor is working on a bunker-busting bomb?
Professor: Yes, because we have learned that Concordia is up to something in their bunkers
(Class: slight laughter )
Professor: Yes, that is where they are training them to deliver pizza.
(Class: loud laughter and applause)

—POLI 227 (Intro. to Developing Areas), Leacock 132