Girl: So…what’s the difference between Rent-Seeking and Free-Loading?
Prof: Umm…..that’s….a good question, I don’t know how to answer that…[silence, thinking] I’ll have to think about it
Class: [laughter]
Prof: And you get an F for asking something I don’t know how to answer
Class: [more laughter]
Prof: And you all get D’s for laughing
—Burnside, Poli 345
Ignorant male student: How do fetuses eat?
(long silence)
Prof: Umm…what do you mean?
Ignorant male student: Like, when they’re in the moms stomach, do they just eat the food that she’s already eaten?
Prof: (very casually) Well, first of all they are in the womb, not the stomach…
—Child Development classÂ
Prof: People who use temperature as a method of contraception are called ‘parents’
—Martin Ampitheater
Prof: Most people prefer to use condoms or the pill… But then there’s the “granola women” who want to go natural.
—-Macintyre
Management Girl (Talking to her friend in Science): You Science people think that you know everything. Just because you’re in Science doesn’t mean that you know more than me.
Science Friend: Alright, why don’t you prove it? What does the C in E = mc2 stand for?
Management girl (Being completely serious): Thats too easy. THE C stands for CHAOS!!
—Gardner
(Prof has just been explaining molecular orbitals for the last half hour)
Student: Yes but what about E = mc2 ?
(entire class stares in silence….)
Prof: Ok… ummm…. that has absolutely nothing to do with any of this.
—-Chem 212
[Ed Note: When one of our edtiors read these two quotes, it resulted in the following:]
(at a party)
Editor: Hey, do me a favor.
girl: Sure
Editor: What’s the e in E = mc2 stand for?
Girl: (confused look) …?
Editor: E… = mc2.
Girl: …?
Editor: Einstein?
Girl: What?
Editor: You just made my day, I love you.
(Sitting in class while the Prof is lecturing about homosexual-targeted marketing with a slideshow on the projector. The lights are dimmed, and in the middle, a student’s cell phone begins to ring to the tune of Abba’s Dancing Queen. Everybody goes silent to hear out the song in its entirety, while the phone’s male owner doesn’t attempt to silence it.)
Prof: (once the song has stopped) “I should have answered that and taken a message on the blackboard.”
—Sexual Diversity Studies
TA: “So following Sharon’s visit to the Temple Mount in September of 2000, the Palestinians became violent again and the Second Infitadah began. However, this time there was far more intense violence directed at Israeli soldiers and citizens, rather than just the rock throwing of the First Infitadah…This really put the Palestinian peace process into a coma…kinda like Sharon…”
—POLI 347
Prof: I have life insurance out for me for $900,000…I’m worth more dead than alive now!
Class: chuckles
Prof: That’s not incentive to kill me; you won’t get any of it.
—ACCT 455
(girl takes off her sweater, revealing a tank top underneath, as the professor is talking)
Professor: Do you want music with that?
Girl: What?
Professor: You appear to be taking off all your clothes. Would you like music with that?
Class: (shocked silence, scattered laughs)
—ECON 209 (Intro. to Macroeconomics)
Prof: So which country do you think has the highest suicide rate?
Guy: um, the Netherlands… like Norway and stuff
—abnormal psych
Prof: I discovered YouTube this weekend.
(class: scattered claps)
Prof: yeah beer and YouTube…bad combination…or maybe a good combination
—Poli 345- International Organization
Student: We were taught, ‘Be yourself, be yourself, that way you won’t become a stripper.’
-BIOL 112 Lab
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