Girl 1 and Girl 2 stop to fawn over miniature dog that another girl has
Girl 1: omg he is soo adorable. helloo, helloo there little guy. aww. so cute
Girl 1 and Girl 2 walk away from girl with dog
Girl 2: oh he was so cute, i wish i could have one
Girl 1: i wish i could have stepped on the little thing and squished its little head

—Milton Gates

Guy: Mondays are way more fun when you’re high all day.

—New Rez

 

Girl (on phone): She did what?! With whom? And she hasn’t been to confession in HOW LONG!? Oh my god, she is SO on the express route to hell!

—Lorne

Guy: (to girl) “So i was leaning over and he was just pounding away.”
Another guy walks up: “So dude, you’re gay? I mean it sounds like anal is your thing.”
Girl: “You’re sick! He was leaning over the railing handing his brother a nail while his brother hammered a board in place!”

—Shatner

[during a rousing game of "Never Have I Ever"]
Girlfriend (to boyfriend): Oh right, you did cheat on me. I forgot.

—Sugar Shack Trip

Girl: “i wonder if they make disney porn. I mean come on, Belle and the Beast, that’d be hot, who wouldn’t want to watch that? I bet you can find it on the net, the internet that is. We should so go look it up now.”

—RVC

Girl 1: What kind of smoothie was that?
Girl 2: Banana and blueberry
Girl 1: [in all seriousness] And those blue things are…banana seeds?

—Ste-Famille

Girl 1: I have a d-cup!
Girl 2: I have a d-cup too!
Girl 3: Me too!
Girl 1: Yay! D-club!!!

—RVC

Nerd 1: Man, I think Superman wore a kryptonite condom…
Nerd 2: Dude, that would hurt.
Nerd 1: Yeah, man!

—BMH Cafeteria

Rich Girl: “Yeah, that was my pickup line over the summer: ‘So, wanna walk me down to my boat?’”
Girl: “haha nice… what’s your pickup line now?”
Rich Girl: “Um….’So, wanna bone?’”

—Molson