[Girl opening mail]
Girl: Ambulance bill?? I thought that was a cab….

- Molson

Girl: Oh god, I hate those mornings when you wake up thinking “god where am i?”
Guy: Funny, I usually wake up thinking “shit, where are my pants??”

–Strathcona 

(after seeing the new James Bond)
Girl, to her friend: OK, seriously now. Don’t you wish you had a dick so you could fuck Daniel Craig’s ass? It was like two scoops of butter pecan.

—Outside movie theater

Girl: “Yeah I definately slipped up there. He has my…”
Guy: “…Panties?”
Girl: “GOD NO. My dignity, yes, but I’m proud to say my panties are all accounted for.”

–Redpath

Girl: Are you sick?
Boy: No, I’m just hanging out here, trying to pick up chicks. You?
Girl: No, I’m trying to get sick so I don’t have to take my exam.

—Health Services, during exam time

Girl #1 :  So she told me he sleeps with a stuffed animal that he holds to his chest
Girl #2 :  Well isnt that Freudian or something,doesnt that mean he, like, needs affection?
Girl #3 : ummm well if she is their half naked why isn`t he holding her close to his chest  . maybe its cause she is fat?

 –Second Cup, Milton

(Girl 1 walks into Tim Hortons at Redpath during exam period. Girl 2 spots her)
Girl 2: “Hey, are you here for exams?”

(Outside final exam for Intro to Organiational Behaviour, in which sexual harassment is one of the topics covered)
Girl: Oh, are you here for the exam?
Guy: No, I’m just here to stare at your tits.

—Bronf 151

Guy 1: She said she still has her V-Card, but she’s given head to over 20 different guys!
Guy 2: Well, technically she’s a virgin.
Guy 1: No, technically she’s a slut.

—-Burnside Basement

[At around 2 in the afternoon]
Guy 1: Shit man, done with lectures for the day
Guy 2: Wanna do some coke and play DDR?
Guy 1: Sure!

—St. Laurent