[Girl opening mail]
Girl: Ambulance bill?? I thought that was a cab….

- Molson

Guest lecturer: It may be possible that we can control the methylation pattern of our genes.
Student 1: Does that mean we can give ourselves cancer? Like if we alter our methylation pattern?
[Students at the back of class giggile]
Student 1: (Turns around and yells) Will you SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
Guest lecturer and class: ….
Student 2: Awkkkkkkward!

—Pharmaceutical Science 563, MacIntrye

[student reacting to professor's story about landmines in Zimbabwe]
Student: “Ok… I’m from Zimbabwe… where EXACTLY are the land mines?”

—POLI 244 

Girl: Oh god, I hate those mornings when you wake up thinking “god where am i?”
Guy: Funny, I usually wake up thinking “shit, where are my pants??”

–Strathcona 

(after seeing the new James Bond)
Girl, to her friend: OK, seriously now. Don’t you wish you had a dick so you could fuck Daniel Craig’s ass? It was like two scoops of butter pecan.

—Outside movie theater

Girl 1: Are we going out tonight?
Girl 2: I don’t know, but if we do, what are you going to wear?
Girl 1: You know that shirt you have that makes my tits look huge?
Girl 2: Yeah…?
Girl 1: I want to borrow that.
—Milton & University

Girl: “Yeah I definately slipped up there. He has my…”
Guy: “…Panties?”
Girl: “GOD NO. My dignity, yes, but I’m proud to say my panties are all accounted for.”

–Redpath

Girl: Are you sick?
Boy: No, I’m just hanging out here, trying to pick up chicks. You?
Girl: No, I’m trying to get sick so I don’t have to take my exam.

—Health Services, during exam time

Girl #1: So, what exactly is Realism?
Girl #2: It’s like, the United States saying like, uhm, we want more power.
Girl #1: Awesome, thanks.
–outside LEA 132, POLI 244

Prof: How many people here have actually taught a class before?
[A few students raise their hands.]
Prof: And you guys can agree that teaching is no eight hour orgasm, yes?

-Philosophical Foundations of Education