Guy: I had a sex dream about you. I mean, about your brother.
Girl: EWWWWW.

—Leacock

[As she reads from "Daddy's Roommate", a children's book about having gay parents]
Prof: ‘Daddy and Frank do everything together. They shave together-’
[Pauses]
Prof: [to class] …I’m sorry, but if I was a lesbian, I don’t think I’d shave my legs with my girlfriend. Besides, WHAT do they shave together? ‘Hey, honey, wanna help me shave my pits?’

—Elementary Education 325

Girl 1 (to Guy 1): Yeah so … that guy Bob*? The gay one? So we went to see a counsellor and now he’s cured.
Guy 1 : (awkward pause) Umm …—POLI-339 conference

Gay Guy: If you were gay, I’d totally do you.
Straight Guy: I’m not gay, dude.
Gay Guy: Nobody’s perfect.

—on the lower field

(Sitting in class while the Prof is lecturing about homosexual-targeted marketing with a slideshow on the projector. The lights are dimmed, and in the middle, a student’s cell phone begins to ring to the tune of Abba’s Dancing Queen. Everybody goes silent to hear out the song in its entirety, while the phone’s male owner doesn’t attempt to silence it.)
Prof: (once the song has stopped) “I should have answered that and taken a message on the blackboard.”

—Sexual Diversity Studies

Newfie: See, in Newfoundland, we call AIDS “the hiv” and we assume that all homosexuals have it…and therefore avoid them.
Non-newfie: …dude, that’s fucking terrible.
Newfie: Well, I didn’t say that’s what I believe, but that’s how everybody else there feels.

— St. Catherine

Girl 1: I saw your friend Matt today.
Girl 2: Matt? Which Matt?
Girl 1: Hot Matt.
Girl 2: Hot Volleyball Matt?
Girl 1: He’s not hot.
Girl 2: Ugly Matt?
Girl 1: No, Gay Matt… Metrosexual Matt…
(pause)
Girl 2: Ohhhh… that Matt.
Girl 1: There are too many Matts.
- RVC

After a physics exam:
Guy 1: I don’t understand how you can be gay.
Guy 2: What do you mean?
Guy 1: Now that I’ve *experienced* sodomy, I don’t understand how anyone can like it.

Gay man to female friend: “Sorry, that was so heteronormative of me!”

 —Roddick Gates

gay guy: That guy has serious potential.
girl: yeah, potential to reject you.

–Schulich Library